


Dorktective Dads: Dawn of Apocolypse

by Pandora_Grayson, TheBatsAndTheBees



Category: DC Animated Universe, DCU, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Character Development, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Fluffy, Gen, M/M, Multi, Romance, a balance of content, hey kids how's your sex life?, if there was a sex scene i'd be surprised, it's pretty gay, john constantine aka Magic Daddy, okay a lot of character catch a bad case of the gays here and tbh wow what a mood, this is like guy's night out but on a whole new level, this story gets woke tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-03-19 07:06:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13699398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora_Grayson/pseuds/Pandora_Grayson, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBatsAndTheBees/pseuds/TheBatsAndTheBees
Summary: When the entire Justice League goes missing nearly without a single trace, it's up to The HellBlazer, The Bat, The Scarlet Speedster, and the Question to get to the bottom of the situation as the fate of an essential Doomsday grows nearer by the second. What's a team like NOT capable of, am I right?





	1. The Start of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the entire Justice League goes missing nearly without a single trace, it's up to The HellBlazer, The Bat, The Scarlet Speedster, and the Question to get to the bottom of the situation as the fate of an essential Doomsday grows nearer by the second. What's a team like NOT capable of, am I right?

Verse 1: Bruce Wayne 

It was very rare when Bruce could say this with ease, but for once, the tower was quiet. From his personal lab, he could hear the on and off pitter-patter of footsteps from staff, but otherwise, he was undisturbed by any meta-human faculty for what seem to be for hours. Bruce didn’t mind either, it helped him focus on his case, and gather information faster. It wasn’t until he came into informational road bump had Bruce stop to make contact with anyone outside.  
‘Batman to Wonder Woman, do you copy.’  
Nothing but static came in response.  
‘Batman to Wonder Woman, do you copy?’  
Nothing, again.  
Batman was left confused as he stood there for a moment.  
‘That’s odd,’ he thought, with an audible hum.  
‘Diana didn’t say anything about taking the day off…’  
At this point, red alarms blared in his head as he exited his lab room.  
Only the regular staff seem to be around, as the quiet halls remained ambient in mystery. Bruce’s immediate action is too head to the Teleporter center or the command station to see if anyone was there, but to no avail. Not a single metahuman was around, with monitor duty being left unattended, and not a single teleportation traces for hours. Everything was just...unattended. 

This was way too off, to not have a single hero on duty for god knows how long, he should’ve took suspicion when the halls got quiet. Bruce’s luck however was still insight as checked the availability list of heroes, although it seem his luck was thin. As read, the list only showed 3 people:  
\- Flash  
\- Hellblazer  
\- Question  
Bruce sighed a bit, but called in the three anyways.  
‘Constantine, Question, Flash, I need you to report to the Watchtower immediately.’

‘Sure thing, B!’  
‘On it, love.’  
‘Of course.’

To Bruce’s thinning luck, they made it there rather quickly, with Barry the first, for once. His tone was cheery and upbeat as usual, with curiosity linger around the corner.  
“Flash reporting for duty! Did I miss Monitor Duty again?”

“No, but it’s seems like everyone else did,” Bruce explained, as he looked around, regular staff still making their daily rounds. Barry looked on with him in astonishment, as the other two requested heroes came through the teleporter. 

“That’s Strange…” Barry murmured as Vic and John joined the conversation. 

“What’s all this noise about?”  
“What seems to be the problem?”  
The two asked in honest tone. 

“All of the hero staff is missing. It’s only regular staff.”

The four looked around as majorly silence filled the air. 

“Well that’s a bit creepy,” John muttered, as he shoved his hands in pockets. 

“I think just by this alone, we should be under high alert. Even more so, we should investigate.”

“Well for starters do we have any possible leads,” Vic asked, as he shifted his stance a bit.  
“Possibly,” Bruce stated as he pulled out the information he was just previously working on.  
“We has recently gotten evidence that Grodd, Circe, and The Riddler we’re in cahoots with each for an unknown purpose. Afterwards, major resource facilities began being skirmished and raided across the world but as to who we didn’t know. It wasn’t until i found evidence that possibly linked Circe to the situation that i decided to contact Diana, which lead me here.”  
Barry gave silent thought for a moment.

“Well, I’ve been in a few scuffles with Grodd, and he hasn’t given me any signs. Although, i should’ve taken suspicion as well when Jon told me Hal was coming to pay a visit and never came…”  
Vic didn’t seem to waste time in asking questions either.  
‘“What facilities were robbed?”  
“Majorly important ones, like S.T.A.R labs, as well as chemical facilities. Here’s a list.”  
As the three got to work, Bruce couldn’t help to notice John’s wandering gaze separate from the trio’s. More so, he seemed to staring at the regular faculty, like they had become a sort of cynosure in the moment of him dazing out, yet he showed signs of awareness.  
“Constantine are you paying attention,” Bruce asked, snapping the blonde out of his fixed cornerstone.  
“Hm? Oh, yeah love, not to worry i heard every word,” he answered only breaking focus for a second, and in that moment making complete eye contact with Bruce, as he gave his usual charming but quick smile, before gluing his eye back on the what seem to be the staff.  
Bruce rolled his eyes as he continued with the other two. Typical Constantine.

“clearly , whatever is going on, the three have something to do with one another, but with such an odd group like this and knowing the kind of people they are, someone has to be doing the dirty work,” Barry mentioned making Bruce turn his attention.  
“Someone like Deadshot or Deathstroke?”  
“Probably, although i would dare to say Deathstroke due to how well the track are hidden.”  
“You prove a point, We’ll go ahead and start looking into now.”  
“If I may,” Vic inquired, “ it’s best we stick together, we may have been a fatal coincidence in their plot.”  
“Or maybe split into pairs at the least, we’re still together just in smaller quantity,” Barry thoughtfully added, and Vic nodded.

“We’ll try splitting into two. Flash, you’re with me, and we’ll gather intel on Deadshot, Vic you go with John-”

Before the bat could finish his command the three turn to find whimsical blonde gone for him place. Bruce gave a low quick growl.  
‘Constantine, do you copy?’

‘Clear as a whistle, love.”

‘Where are you?!’

‘Taking care of a culprits pesky facade.’

Everyone gave a confused look to each as they listened. 

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Have you taken a peep at the worker, love? They’re a hoax.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘They’re a holographic of the sorts, visible enough to look through, but fake enough to walk through.’  
Just for measure, Barry sped up to the nearest group of faculty, stopping in front of them and watching in a bit of shock as the passed right through them.

‘He’s right, B,’ Barry admitted, causing Bruce to sigh,

‘So no one was here to begin with.’

‘Exactly. And if I find where the seal of the spell was planted, maybe we can get a better lead as to who’s involved.’

Bruce pondered for a moment before making up his mind.

“Question, Head up to John’s location, me and Barry are going to look at the security cameras. Report what you find.”

Vic nodded, heading off as John sent him his coordinates and Barry went along with Bruce.

This was just the beginning of a disaster. 

Verse 2: Vic Sage

He’s a strange one. 

Quiet but with a tongue like viper.

Lazy and yet extraordinarily observant.

Quite the diamond in the rough, and most definitely the odd but...intriguing spectacle.

“I thought you’d never find me, Sage,” the blonde teased in a sly tone. Vic kept it professional however, in best efforts, only for his brain to wander elsewhere. 

“I see you put away your pet names… Nonetheless, If the coordinates didn’t make it any more obvious, you might’ve been onto something.”

“Yeah?”

“...Yes.”

John placed a grin Vic was far too familiar with on his face, as he finished what seem to be him fiddling with a totem of the sort. The totem broke, and John gave a satisfied sigh as he turned in Vic’s general direction. As he marched up to Vic, he could tell there was a sense of playfulness in the man’s deep blue eyes, although they seemed to pierce through the man intentionally.  
“Why so tense, Sage?”

“Not tense, it’s simply a matter formality while on a mission-”

“And yet such a formality wasn’t around in Chiang Mai.”

“Chiang Mai was different.”

“Chiang Mai was sweet.”

Silence grew between the two for only a moment, as John’s smile became more fox-like and lack its usual laziness, and as if he could see through the mask, John giggled. As if John could see the fluster frown Vic was carrying and teased him a bit more.

“Oh Sage, no need to get so fluster. Chiang Mai was really nice. You were very sweet… both physically and emotionally of course,” John assured, muttering the last part. 

“Lighten up, sweetheart,” he requested, patting his shoulder as they pressed onward.  
Perhaps Vic jinxed himself. As if the air was suddenly clear, John started explaining the situation at hand as if nothing had happened.  
“There were a total of 5 totems scattered around here, the core, and downstairs in the engine room. I’ve taken down two of them, so If we can find the other 3, we can find the source of this trickery and ultimately destroy, got it?”

John smiled, as Vic nodded swiftly.

“and once we’ve found the source?”

“I can trace the magic, and we can report to the Bat.”

The two traded a nod of affirmation before splitting up in the room on their hunt.

 

Verse 3: Barry Allen

Okay, but is it bad, that the first thing He thought was to check the cafeteria, upon hearing the news of the staff having gone missing. I mean, if you had been trying to get your hands on the Rangoons for the past month and you had been ironically just a bit too late, and you finally had the chance, you’d think about it too, right?! 

Barry stared at the entrance with yearning eyes as Bruce accessed the security rooms.

“Barry,” Bruce called in his normal brutish tone, snapping the hungry blonde out of his trance.

“H-Huh?!”

“Check those back cameras stations for me,” he requested, pointing at the area mindlessly, continuing his own run down. 

Barry sped over, getting to work within a flash, but his mind still wandering to a more delicious topic.

‘You know, they have good fried rice too. Although I could go for the chicken nuggets...yeah...chicken nuggets sounds really fricking good. Wait!!! Is there even any food in the cafeteria?!! What if I’m day dreaming for nothing?!!’

As if saved from his mental fretful doom, Constantine came in on the communicators.

‘Hey, we were able to trace the source. It’s all Greek related sorcery.’

Bruce hummed, although it sounded a bit like a growl. John continued however.

‘You might wanna check the recordings with the last 24 hours. You’ll likely find your culprit.’ 

Bruce gave a knowing look to Barry, as the speedster gave a nod. Without second thought he started his search on the cams, running every face through the database until they got a false match.

“Well, Well, Well,” Barry muttered shocklessly. 

“Looks like we found our culprit.”

Bruce turned over to look at the information on the screen. 

“Deadshot it is then…” Bruce groaned in annoyance under his breath, and Barry couldn’t help glance at the almost indestructible man.

Verse 4: John Constantine

Their both such big babies...but it’s precious. Where one fails to have the patience, the other fails reciprocate any form of affection, and leaves me in quite the peculiar situation. If I were anymore honest with myself I would’ve told myself it was a shaky idea to fall either of the two, but I suppose I choose to let my heart play a dangerous game. 

The walk back to the meet-up spot was more awkward than it need to be, as went to lighting my usual cigarette and it seem to catch my star-crossed lover. 

“I see your still one for your bad habits.”

“And you’re not?”

Vic turned his head over a bit look get a decent of me as he continued.

“No not necessarily, but there are more appropriate moments to do so are there not?”

“I haven’t the slightest fucking clue love. I would like to consider going back to report to a billionaire playboy in a bat suit about the possibility of world domination by the evil edition of the super friends a pretty good time to light a cig.”

My answer seem settle as a sarcastic joke as I felt the disguised ginger rolled his eyes. 

“Oh don’t give me that, Sage. You as well as I do that if it were for your precious little mask you would’ve lit one these cancer sticks as well,” I hummed softly, as we took a turn or two in the halls.

“I would have taken yours instead.”

Such a comment only put a grin on my face, as I turned over with great anticipation.

“Yeah?”

“...yes,” he returned as always, making me shake my head in turn as we entered the camera room with the big bat and dork of a speedster.

“Get ready to head to Gotham,” Batman order immediately, as the two halted.  
“We’re heading to Gotham to look for Deadshot.”

“For questioning I suppose? You might wanna call up one of your pretty birds before for future intel while we he prepare the breach, cause it seems like we’ve got ourselves quite the case?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for such a short chapter, i promise future chapters will be much more expanded in terms of length!! i hope you enjoy the content given, there's more to come


	2. Back to Gotham City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Local Dumbass Fucks Up Chapter Format

‘What is life, if not a vivid dream? I think, therefore I am? What if these thoughts are calculated, and not our own? What if there is a God up there? How cruel they must be to leave me with these three imbeciles. Why do the good men suffer while the bad men thrive? Are any of us truly real?’ Bruce thought, digging deep in his mind. He wasn’t paying attention to to what was in front of him, instead he was dissociating. He hopped out of his mind and back to the dim reality he was currently facing when he heard yet another dry comment come out of Vic’s mouth. Bruce watched the horizon carefully, gritting his teeth with all his might. He knew he’d be getting a headache sooner or later but he decided to spare himself toothache by relaxing his teeth. Vic was standing in the back of the plane, being a pain in the ass by making redundant comments on old mission files that Bruce had (and now regretted) leaving in the plane. Constantine was laying across a chair in the back of the plane, smoking after the third warning not to. Meanwhile, Barry was doing his best impression of a statue after Bruce threatened to remove his leg if he moves again. He chatted frantically everything chance he got, which slowed down the longer they were flying. 

The batcave was coming into view slowly, and Bruce was relieved that he could finally take a break from flying and the antics of his teammates. He landed the plane as quickly as he could, getting up to beg Alfred for a aspirin. 

Barry ran out before all of them, stretching his arms and legs and gasping as if he had been holding his breath for the last two hours. Bruce went after him, followed by Vic and Constantine. 

“Damn, bitch, you live like this?” Vic practically yelled into the void they called a cave, eliciting snickers from the other men. 

“Yes. I know you’ve snuck in here before, seeing as your friendship with my cousin would give you easy access.” Bruce sighed, obviously tired. He plopped down onto the chair to the batcomputer, only to find it occupied. 

“Bruce!” Dick squeaked.

“Dick? What are you doing in my seat?” Bruce asked, half-annoyed and half-surprised. He jumped off of his protégée as quickly as he sat on him.

“I-...” Dick paused, blushing, before clearing his throat and sitting up straighter “that is none of your concern.”

Bruce just huffed tiredly and shooed him away. Once his seat was unoccupied, he sat back down and ignored the men chatting behind him. 

“Alfred, could you get me some crème brûlée and escargot? Sit it in the brooding room, It’s already half past my brooding time, might as well do it now.” Vic commented in his best rich person voice.

“Pennyworth? Get my dining robe from the robe room and my pipe from the pipe room. The finest ones, please, I’ve had a long day.” Barry continued in an impression of his own.

“No, no, you’re doing it wrong.” John said and, after clearing his throat, gave his spot-on Bruce imitation. “Alfred, would you please take my teammates out to the backyard? Hmm? Yes, release the hounds as soon as their guard is down. Don’t forget to bring me the camera and some wine. Thank you, Alfred.” 

The others burst out laughing. Bruce grit his teeth once more, sighing before turning to the man walking down the stairs to the batcave. “Alfred, could you get me some aspirin? If not, I’ll gladly have you take them to the backyard and release the hounds.”

Alfred was already by his side by the time he’d finished. As if he read his mind, he opened the top to the tray to reveal a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of water. 

“Thank you so much, Alfred.” 

“Yes, thank you, Alfred.” John repeated in his imitation. Bruce turned to glare at him, but John had already cleared his throat and turned away sheepishly before he could get the full force of it. 

“Back to business, lads.” John called out, whistling to get their attention. 

“Lads? I have never heard anyone say lads outside of the internet.” Barry spectated with a tilt of his head.

“John does. All the time. Even in bed. It’s annoying.” Vic sighed. 

“‘In bed?’” Barry repeated incredulously, “like while sleeping next to each other? Or-?”

“Enough of that, we need to focus.” Bruce growled over the aspirin laying on his tongue.

“He’s right. Right now, the past doesn’t matter, we need to forget any past problems ‘n work together to find out what’s going on.” John announced, obviously happy to take lead now that Bruce was busy controlling his headache. 

“I have no grievances.” Bruce lied with a growl. The others confirmed they were fine as well. 

“Bruce briefed me during your ride over, I’ve compiled a list of possible suspects and reasons why only the four of you are left. I’ve also pulled up a file on all watchtower and staff.” Dick voiced cheerily. 

“Good job, Dick.” Bruce replied. There was a heavy silence from behind him. Eerily silent. He turned around in his chair but Dick had already turned away, coughing and sporting a slightly higher pitched tone when he spoke again.

“Uhh... Yeah. I’m- yeah.” He squeaked, voice filled with watery undertones. 

“... Dick, focus.” Bruce thought about bringing up the fact that his own son started crying after being praised but decided against it. Barry and John showed it no mind. Vic, however, was vexed by this idea. He glared at Bruce and considered stealing his sons to raise as his own.

“Right! Uhh, one of my hypotheses is that they’re all dead and you’re being hunted.” Everyone stood up straighter at this news, Vic wondering if he needed to get his post-apocalyptic baseball bat from the question garage, Barry sterling himself for an upcoming battle, and John mentally preparing himself for his (and the others) own possible demise. “But, that’s very unlikely seeing as none of you have run into anyone yet.” They all relaxed, if only a bit.

“My second is that they’re all being held prisoner and you four were lucky enough to be gone while it happened.” They all nodded, and waited for the last hypothesis.

“The third... They’re on another earth or invisible. It’s happened before.“ Barry shuddered at the thought, as had his own experiences with being trapped on other earths, times, and dimensions. So had most of the other justice league members, one of the only members not having gone through it being Vic. “Either way, You have the pick of the batcave tools and I’ve got some spiral tech for you to choose from. You’ll need it.”

“Thank you, Dick.” Bruce demanded with a determined glint in his eyes. “We can’t rule anything out until we have proof. I’ll need a list of coming Justice League enemies escaped from prison, recent thermal activity on the watchtower, and camera feed.”

“If I may?” Vic cut in, “I believe Lex Luthor could have something to do with this.” Everyone groaned, throwing him an annoyed glare.

“You sounds like Clark.” Bruce huffed. “Not everything is Lex Luthor’s fault. I’d get it if you blamed the Injustice League but I’m not missing nor is the joker or any other Gotham rogue. Where would Luthor even get the tech or smarts to take down EVERYONE in the watchtower?” Dick lifted a finger as opened his mouth at the Rogues part, but his words fell on deaf ears when the conversation continued.

“Of course it’s not Lex Luthor. He’s gone to the good side, right?” Barry asked, a proud gleam in his eyes. 

“No, he went bad again this Sunday.” John sighed.

“Let me just call Len up and see if there’s been any news in the villain world.”

“God, I hate your relationship with your Rogues.” Bruce groaned under his breath. The next half-hour was filled with back-and-forth commentary and suggestion on what was happening. By the time the clock rang 10:00 most of them were half-asleep on the floor with files sprawled our between them. The cameras to the watchtower were all tampered with, leaving only a random picture where the watchtower halls and rooms should be at different times in the morning. each time and picture seemed to vary, and all footage before it checked out. The thermal energy had a strange number and was eerily constant despite the amount of thermal-powered heroes that were on duty at the time. Their sleepless, stressed-out brains could barely put two and two together, after 11:30 Alfred forced each of them to sleep. 

They all went upstairs, groggily following Alfred to the exact same room and, too tired to follow him to their separate ones, collapsed onto Bruce’s huge bed. Unbeknownst to them, the answer had just popped up on the batcomputer screen.

“Well, well, well... Too DUMB to figure out the clues *I* left you? I guess I’ll just have to- wait, what? Where are they? I thought you said-? No, they’re not there. There’s a dog in the seat. He’s wearing a Batman mask. No, he didn’t turn into a dog. No, I-... Batman?” Ace barked and jumped onto the computer’s controls, frightening the person on the other side and accidentally pressing the button to turn off the video chat before he could personally destroy their face. Unsatisfied, he jumped out of the chair, bounding upstairs to join on in the cuddle fest in his master’s room.


End file.
